[Imagine a clever title here]

I would say sorry for not updating often but that would require someone to apologize to. I can't imagine that anybody reads this thing. If so, my apologies. Not for not posting but for reading my blog. Oh wait there is one person who reads this! Hi mom! No, that's a lie. Nobody reads this. [sniffle]

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Sorry I'm back from audibly weeping in the corner. It's not that I have a shortage of things to say. I could fill many hard drives with my dating misadventures. I could even synthesize endless upon endless fictional stories. I could extol the virtues of what it is to be me. But alas, I haven't the time. [sniffle]

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A bug flew into my eye causing it to tear and then into my throat causing me to cough it out. I realize it looked and sounded like I was crying again but I wasn't. I promise. My man card only allots me one cry a month.