A bucket of yuck.

I met a lady the other day who had been properly outfitted with all the physically ugly features that could possibly be attached to a singular person. Think of all the ugly people you have ever seen before. Now think of them amalgamated together. Now take that to the tenth power. Now add one. You now can begin to understand just how unattractive this lady was. To her credit, she was a total sweetie!

This lady was instantly sweet on me for some reason, possibly because no one pays her much attention. Unfortunately my doing so got misinterpreted. A casual glance and hello was construed as a proclamation of my love for her considerable unsightliness. “Ugly girls need loving too,” or so the saying goes. Yeah that’s what ugly men are for.

Apparently you’re not comprehending how physically repulsive this lady was. If I were to lose my mind and somehow think it a worthy endeavor to assemble a team of the most unattractive women I'd ever seen, she’d be the only starter. She could make a retch retch.

I don’t believe I am some transcendent figure above reproach. I am not Brad Pitt. I am a mere mortal, subject to gravity and taxes, but I know ugly when I see it. This chick entirely encapsulates every facet of the word.

E, who was this lady? Your mom. Face!!