Not a proud moment, but entirely necessary.

What I'm about to divulge is reprehensible and supremely disgraceful....... I will have to perform shameful acts to earn an A this semester in Cell biology. My professor is a woman and a hippy. One of the dirtiest hippies I've ever had the displeasure of meeting. I guess she's nice but that's just part of her hippy ruse. I suppose I should thank her for being able to withstand the urge to firmly embrace every tree in sight and instead be on time to teach class but I'd rather slap the hippy out of her. How could someone ever want to be a hippy after meeting a hippy? Wouldn't that instill a deeply rooted disdain for hippies?

Anyways I should move on before I chop down a tree with my bare hand out of anger just to spite all hippies. My plan to seduce her involves an intoxicating blend of Patchouli oil and unwashed man. Vomit inducing to normal people, an irresistible aphrodisiac to filthy hippies. I plan to unwrap a box of granola bars and place them in a hemp basket. I would strew them about the room like rose petals but she might consider that littering and ruin the mood. I don't want to incite a hippy rant of how she is economically considerate and therefore a better person than I am; remember I'm trying to seduce her. Although an impromptu hippy protest just might incite conducive feelings within her that will ensure my plan's success. I don't know, go ask a hippy. Then slap them for being a hippy. Hippies are genetically engineered to be wimps so no worries of them physically retaliating. Their filthy, mutated DNA won't allow them to engage in physical altercations, other than to be the recipient of a well deserved beating. They think their words are more powerful than violence. Silly hippies. I forgot to mention that the hippy genome includes an overabundance of the stupid gene. Scientists have yet to discover the hippy gene but have guaranteed the eradication of it once they do. Please donate to this worthy cause. Can you imagine a world without hippies? I can and it is glorious. No more quickly dulling chainsaw blades because some hippy was hugging the tree you wanted to cut down. Nothing dulls a chainsaw blade like hippy bone and cartilage. Not to mention the arduous task of having to get the hippy's blood stains out of the bark and wood. An unnecessary ordeal that will soon be rectified.

Dang it I got side tracked again. My view on hippies is not favorable to their existence and it's hard to control my displeasure for them. Hippies should be the next dinosaurs or dodo bird. Extinct. Although with one major distinction, nobody will ever research or dig up a hippy. Unless of course to spit on their rotting carcass or bones. I'll bet a rotting hippy smells better than a live hippy. What gives hippies the right to eat the grain and vegetables that some starving cow could more deservedly profit from? The cow will feed people by providing nourishing milk, dairy products and meat. The hippy will just further enrage society. I posit that all the world's violence can be traced to a singular cause. Hippies. Why are Middle Eastern countries fighting each other when there are no hippies over there you ask? Because they heard about hippies. That's all it takes.

There I go again. In summary, I'm going to have to do what no sane man should ever be forced to do. NEVERMIND!! Oh man what was I thinking?!?! I almost did the stupidest thing ever. I can't believe I even considered risking exposure and unavoidable infection from hippy interaction. It's bad enough having to see them in public. They should be locked in an escape proof, hermetically sealed cage so that they will be unable to further infect society with their love based ideology. I love love but I loathe hippies and it angers me that they selfishly and without permission adopted love as part of their culture. Parents, encourage your children to become scientists to help make the eradication of all hippies a quick reality. If you are a hippy and have made it this far, you know I speak the truth. You know you aren't happy. Drop the piss poor act. How you can rectify your hippy transgressions you ask? Be a Drano consumption tester. Perhaps an immobile pedestrian for the car industry's experiments of how the human body responds when hit head on by an automobile moving at 150 miles an hour. I hear they have great benefits. Be a test body for a blind surgeon performing intricate heart and brain surgeries for the first time with no prior medical training. There's so much to choose from and so many ways you can repay society for your inexcusable hippy infractions. Select wisely.