E can't perform under pressure? Hmmph!!

Someone recently said to me that I am unable to perform under pressure. Laugh! I do my best work under increased turgor pressure.

Some of you non-science nerds may not understand. Let me kick a little knowledge to you monkeys. Turgor pressure is what allows plants to stand upright. The water within the vacuole of a cell exerts an outward pressure on the cell wall that causes the cell to become rigid and erect. More water content would register a higher turgor pressure reading. Plants that don't get enough water become flaccid quicker than a man seeing Sarah Jessica Parker in lingerie. No, that's impotent. Anyway, now armed with the knowledge of what turgor pressure is you can think of an area in a man's body that would undergo fluctuating levels of turgor pressure.

Still don't get it? I'm assuming this isn't the only thing you don't get. It was a boner and sex joke, dillhole! The fact that you remain alive is mind boggling. Someone should whack you for sport.