Holy Sheeeeiiit...

I haven't posted in a while. I have been busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.

By way of update, football season is soon upon us. (Pre-season doesn't count.) As such, that means fantasy football has started. I am in two leagues because I am a nerd. In one of my leagues, there is a certain douche bag that I'll refer to as S who fancies himself a shit talker. He tries to step and gets humbled every time. Below is an excerpt but I first need to set the stage. Last year my team's name was Vaginal Spotting because they were a bunch of bleeding bitches. S won last year and claims it was due to superior planning and awesomeness. Clearly he's delusional. You can't predict who gets hurt otherwise I wouldn't have picked my whole team last year. I edited the f word and names but left S’s apparent distaste for punctuation and grammar to emphasize his lameness. No one posted in our league last year except S and I. Fair warning, it’s pretty crass.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I am so pathetic that I loudly crack myself up when writing sometimes. Enjoy!

S: E has a bleeding vag. Anyway, C thanks again for having us over it was fun. To e, go f yourself buddy. To the rest good luck!

E: True, hence the Vaginal Spotting name last year. I'm amazed you can type and eat asshole at the same time. C, I hope S's typing doesn't take away any of your enjoyment as he eats your butt.

I dare any of you lames to step up and post this year. Fair warning! Do so knowing you'll get ruined. Notice how S wouldn't look me in the eye at our draft. He's still recovering from last year.

S: Me recovering? You were in the closet crying by week 6. It's good to see that you fully recovered and are out of the closet again... As for eating assholes it was your mom's so get it right. She wants to know if you need any laundry done, if so go f yourself.

E: So you admit to eating assholes? And I sat next to you on draft day? Damnit C! Why didn't you tell me? He was probably fresh off an asshole and circulated fecal matter every time he spoke. Wear a mask out in public, dude!

While you were busy patrolling the elementary for new meat, did you happen to ask one of the little kiddies for a come back? You forgot to include, "No, you are." Oh wait; you basically said that in your third sentence. You are a walking douche bag. Are douche bags capable of being gay? If so, you are the composite Elton John, Liberace and Freddy Mercury edition douche bag.

Last year you were able to rely on your team to make up the difference from your inability to talk shit. That will not be the case this year. Make no mistake, my team will be nowhere near the top of the leader board because…well…they’re my team and they consistently find ways to suck ass. I guess you and my team have some common ground.

S, I appreciate your misguided ambition to verbally keep up. Your stupidity gives me ample material to work with. I can only hope, for your sake, that someone else joins the shit talking extravaganza otherwise it’s going to be a long, depressing season for you. Better start taking anti-depressants now.