A portly girl from Portland…or wherever. I’m guessing some place that specializes in fried foods and mayonnaise.

What the….? Was the back of her thigh smiling the smiles of a thousand kids with dimples? She must have gotten hit in the back of her legs with a sack full of nickels. That’s unfortunate. Even more unfortunate is that she would proudly display them. People with scar tissue or burn marks usually hide them out of embarrassment. She should learn from their example.

This woman is probably a wonderful, sweet person undeserving of scrutiny. However, she brought this upon herself by exhibiting her craterous leg flesh. The assemblage of dimples comprising her posterior thighs were so deep it looked like nails had been in her legs for a long while and were just taken out. They were deep little suckers capable of housing some potting soil and a small plant.

Cellulite, cottage cheese, or whatever you like to call dimpled thighs, should be hidden and not advertised. Owners of it should not be sold short shorts/skirts. Liquor stores ID people before allowing qualified people to purchase booze. There needs to be a screening process in place at the clothing stores. I’ll devise the standard. Hot chicks only! My definition of hot chicks will be the standard. Girls that don’t meet the standard will be refused the article of clothing and told to come back when they’re hot and skinny or have rectified whatever violation they’re guilty of. Isn’t that offensive? No. If you juxtapose the two offenses, my objectivity and their fashion faux pas, and compared the offensive levels of each, I would be so much less offensive so as to be nearly negligible.

“Juicy” the strained material spanning her behemoth butt declared. Each letter was the size of a midget. Juicy indeed, in the most disgusting way possible. Billboards belong on the side of roads and aren’t portable and butt shaped. I’m not saying that clothing makers shouldn’t put words or pictures on their items; I’m saying that this chick’s butt was as big as a bill board. Gross. I’m going to go punch myself in the crotch and try to regain feeling in my swimming suit area again. I fear I may have a lifetime of penile flaccidness ahead of me. Thanks fatty.