Game show fun.

We pick up the scene of our protagonist on some game show that has never been created…

Me: …I am of course referencing the boom chicky wow wow.

Game Show Host: Let’s see what our panel of judges think, judges?

Judges: Fail.

Me: Shit!!!

Female Contestant: Yeah that was pretty weak, dude. You have done nothing but disappoint me since I’ve met you. [shaking head]

Me: Thank you. Does it get lonely sitting atop your cloud of judgment as you rain judgments down on people you suppose are beneath you? Let’s get a ruling on that comment, judges??

Judges: Solid.

Me: Judges, I respect and trust your abilities. All of you are tributes to your craft. I am in awe. Thank you.

Female Contestant: You are a douche bag of unequaled proportions.

Me: Are you trying to get in my pants?

Female Contestant: No! Hell no! There is no way I am going to the hospital for back surgery after trying to hoist that hog out of them. My back is not a crane.

Me: You understand my struggle. Your empathy is appreciated.

Female Contestant: You misunderstood. I do not have any empathy for you.

Me: Explain.

Female Contestant: I empathize for the girls you get with.

Me: Of course. The only muscles more powerful than my love muscle are my back and legs that bear the burden of toting this monster around. Let’s not forget my heart that has the massive undertaking of filling it full of blood when I become aroused.

Female Contestant: With that much blood flowing to your loins, doesn’t that leave the rest of your body highly susceptible to infarction?

Me: Very much so. The delicate balance of blood distribution is a precise science that I alone have mastered. My life is on the line with each encounter.

Female Contestant: You are so brave.

Me: All in a day’s work. How’s about we go put my life on the line?

Female Contestant: I thought you’d never ask.

Me: I didn’t really. I knew what you were thinking. I sincerely hope this is the only time timidness ever manifests itself.

Female Contestant: You have my word…and my body and whatever else you want.

Me: Let’s not ruin the mood with desperation, okay?

Game Show Host: Uhhh really guys? We’ve got the rest of the show to do here.

Me: Yes really, Guy Smiley. Now be gone before you soon find the need to crap a microphone. Leave the cameras.