A conversation I overheard.

Guy 1- Where do I know that girl from?
Guy 2- Probably through one of your filthy dealings in an hourly hotel.
Guy 1- I have never paid for sex.
Guy 2- Maybe not directly.
Guy 1- Explain.
Guy 2- Taking a woman out for an evening is a risky investment you hope pays off, a gamble if you will.
Guy 1- Go on.
Guy 2- At the end of the evening, you’re hoping your suaveness results in getting your peter wet. I say eliminate the risk and just rent a hooker. That way you forego the responsibility of entertaining her at dinner and eliminate superfluous time spent with her when it’s simply a prelude to screwing anyway. Why not just get what you want without the excess? You’ll spend the same amount of quid or less depending on your dining selection.
Guy 1- A sound observation.
Guy 2- I’m sure the prostitute screws better anyway.
Guy 1- Isn’t being with a hooker risky?
Guy 2- Risky like STD Russian Roulette or risky like she may not be clean?
Guy 1- Both.
Guy 2- It depends on the quality of hooker you invest in. Main Street and train track hookers are STD petri dishes. Stay away. “Escort” establishments are a little pricier but well worth keeping the itch off and out of your pecker.
Guy 1- You seem quite savy.
Guy 2- I’m simply a satisfied customer who believes in word of mouth advertising.
Guy 1- A major stumbling block for me with the idea of temporarily employing a hooker is even the mere mention of a whore gives me a fever and activates my immune system because it thinks it has to fight something off soon.
Guy 2- Tell your white blood cells to stop duplicating in anticipation and relax. Go the escort route. That or the safest method.
Guy 1- Abstinence?
Guy 2- The old five knuckle shuffle. Slapping the clown. Flogging the dolphin.
Guy 1- Jerking off is as close to being gay as it gets.
Guy 2- Interesting hypothesis.
Guy 1- While you’re thinking or looking at dirty things, a man’s hand is handling your garbage.
Guy 2- Correction: Your hand.
Guy 1- Reassertion of correct phrasing: Me being a man and placing a hand on my junk qualifies it as a man’s hand on my wedding tackle.
Guy 2- I follow your reasoning and wish you never would have revealed the concept. I can’t argue with the thought process. This leaves you with two options: Get a girlfriend or hire a prostitute.
Guy 1- Prostitute it is. I have a spine so that excludes me from getting a girlfriend.
Guy 2- You are very wise.