A future conversation with my future wife...

“Honey, we should put in a new deck,” my beautiful wife says as she inspects the back of the house and concludes that something is lacking.

“Interesting selection of pronouns. Of the 8 or so options of pronouns, you felt that one best fit the current situation. When I try to get someone to do something, I most commonly ask using the pronoun that would indicate them completing the task. Throwing in words that mean the work would be shared among those being implicated by the pronoun seems anomalous. Perhaps I should take a moment to elucidate the proper use of that word. When you say, “Honey we should…” That means there are more than one participant in the action that yields the desired outcome. That means you and I complete the task, not that I slave away and you enjoy the ensuing product. You see the word we is a combination of two pronouns that means you and I or an even larger grouping of people in which the person saying we is included. It does not mean your participation in the whole process is simply saying the task or job and I do everything. Let me know if I’m going too fast for you…”

“Oh my hell, I married a moron. Are you really that daft?”

“Yes honey. How this eluded you for so long eludes me. I’ll get to work on that deck right away. Thank you for entertaining the poor peasant you share a bed with. You just bought an industrial size bottle of lotion at Costco right?”

“Yeah why?”

“I have a feeling I’m the only one foolish enough to have sex with myself for the next little while. I can count on no hands the number of times you and I will be getting intimate.”

“Is that hammering or you flapping gums?”

“I love you honey!”

Postscript: I will never be a dick like that to my wife. I simply tried to make a funny, fictional conversation. Failure is as bitter as it is sucky.