An actual segment from a conversation I had. For realsies.

I was talking to a friend of mine attending a dental school I really want to get into.

Me: Tell whomever you need to in admissions that I’ll sleep with whomever I need to.
Friend: I like where your head’s at.
Me: I may not like where it’s at if they take me up on the offer.

I am a sad, sad man to think I'm as funny and clever as I do. Does that make you more sad for reading it? Of course not. You are precious and I am retarded.