Worry not. The joke's on me.

You may worry about those unfortunate souls that come in regular contact with me. You may wonder how they survive. You may even wonder why they haven’t offed themselves or me. To that I would respond with a scoffing chuckle that would end up making me cough uncontrollably and make others around me think and hope I was dying of respiratory failure.

You see I have this horrible gift to embarrass myself at the most awkward times. Most people get embarrassed/nervous to speak in front of people. Some get embarrassed after a horrible performance in the sack. Some get embarrassed/humbled after a dick measuring contest with me.* I get embarrassed when there is no reason to be. Not because of anything I said or did, per se. It’s because my body sometimes fails to support me in normal bodily functions and dastardly seeks to humiliate me. My body is agonizingly efficient in this regard. My body's weak sauce, bush league and just plain a little bitchish.

*Actually my dick’s so small I piss on my nuts. Not really but I had to work that gem in somehow. A girl I work with likes to tease me and say I have a teenie weenie (TW). Probably for the same reason big bouncers are called Tiny. One day she teased me and said that a girl only said something nice about me because she felt bad about my TW. I said I was surprised she felt anything at all it’s so small.

Thank you, thank you!! Good night!